i am afraid of the
emptiness that fills
thing when you
quiet like the golden pears ripening
in a green and white bowl
on my desk,
still like the winter buds
on the bare tree outside
my window, and the magnolias in the front.
these slow and beautiful measures of time,
secretly as wrinkles form around
eyes young and the moment
appears - easy to miss.
words deliberated over, omitted
it will be folded, reread and folded
it will be all rumpled up
by the time this gets to you
i'll be in a different place
by the time its been:
crushed at the
slipped into my diary,
and then not,
addressed, postcoded, weighed, licked stamped, paid, examined.
to number 22 of that street in this town in that province, in south africa, africa, southernhempishere, earth, solar system, milkyway with love.
by the time this gets to you
none of it will be new(s)
but it will get to you
So these are my thoughts on what transend means to me:
transend is about the communication between here and there
the travelling between here and there
past and present, how this changes us.
it is the letters from my mother
the postcards i send home
the stories told and untold
it is the emails and the skype video conversations
its is the broken threads of communication, how
despite all these tools of communication glitches seem to happen
the wrong time, the wrong place, misunderstanding
transend is also about how we can take
small positive actions that set into motion new growth
new thoughts, that change our everyday lives and the world around us
it is planting seeds and watering them, tending them.
transend is also about this transitional phase in time
where are we going? what lies ahead? what about our planet?
I have started putting ideas in my processbook, mainly because there seems to be so much going on and ideas that flap in and out of my mind and vision, that i can't keep tabs on it all or build up any momentum. I thought that by just putting all sorts of things in i would start to figure out how they all link up and how all the layers slide into place, gladly it seems to be working. But the other important part of all of this is communicating with others and having conversations which act like bridges to the next step, or between ideas that do resonate each other but need to be seen from another point of view to click into place.
I have been thinking about what it means to be a south african out of south africa how i am out of place here and yet not, how being here is being where my ancestors come from. I suppose its the displacement that all immigrants feel. I have also been thinking about how much of what Britain is built up from the wealth that it took from other countries. And how this has had an impact on many things, the gardens and parks with plants from all around the world, particularly designed to show off, what the reach of the empire.
So i want to work with some of these ideas, i am thinking of integrating aspects of southern african nature into british landscapes and other situations in the form of animation, collage and sculpture. The familiar and the unfamiliar, displaced and camouflaged and linking in with what i have already been working on.The image is by no means final work, just a jot from my processbook to get the ball rolling.
I keep coming back to these stories, narratives that intertwine and have echoes in fairytales, stories about my ancestors, and others. I find it fascinating and inspiring, the way the stories I come across link in with things that i am thinking about or that are going on in my life. The narratives connect with my method of art-making which is tied into a personal narrative. These fairytales allow exploration of different states of mind and dreams which are simply another layer of reality, of living. I often feel like the story catcher of the family, this is perhaps part of the reason why I have decided to move to another country, to embark on this journey, adventure. Many times it feels like a dark journey, a huge challenge within myself to find myself and what I need to do and how I need to live - to find light. While this journey is one that only I can take for myself, I have spent, lots of time and energy trying to go through it alone, and feeling more and more isolated, which of course is a choice. What I am beginging to learn is that I need meaningful interaction with family and friends. I need honest communication with myself. So this is what I want to explore, the idea of communication, of sending messages through narrative. These lines of communication and love are the light in the darkness.
I was thinking about Katty's hurricane lantern metaphor, how the need to nurture the light, gives both the light and the darkness meaning and purpose. The darkness is there to make the hope and light more precious. The light is faith in survival.
So basically I want to tell stories which resonate hope and give me hope and help me to make the light inside me stronger. To make something. It makes me happy to think that the collaborative project gives me something to work towards, and therefore a sense of meaning and hope. It makes realise that this is here to give energy to and to nurture and protect and that this will make light.