hopes

I have been avoiding writing my first entry, I think because I am afraid of writing down just how muddled I am about things. Well, that is not going to help me find answers really so I best just write it down. These are some things I wrote down in my visual diary when trying to figure out what I want to do. I had just come across Angela Carter's Book of fairytales, and after spending hours reading, I had these thoughts:

I keep coming back to these stories, narratives that intertwine and have echoes in fairytales, stories about my ancestors, and others. I find it fascinating and inspiring, the way the stories I come across link in with things that i am thinking about or that are going on in my life. The narratives connect with my method of art-making which is tied into a personal narrative. These fairytales allow exploration of different states of mind and dreams which are simply another layer of reality, of living. I often feel like the story catcher of the family, this is perhaps part of the reason why I have decided to move to another country, to embark on this journey, adventure. Many times it feels like a dark journey, a huge challenge within myself to find myself and what I need to do and how I need to live - to find light. While this journey is one that only I can take for myself, I have spent, lots of time and energy trying to go through it alone, and feeling more and more isolated, which of course is a choice.  What I am beginging to learn is that I need meaningful interaction with family and friends. I need honest communication with myself. So this is what I want to explore, the  idea of communication, of sending messages through narrative. These lines of communication and love are the light in the darkness.

I was thinking about Katty's hurricane lantern metaphor, how the need to nurture the light, gives both the light and the darkness meaning and purpose. The darkness is there to make the hope and light more precious. The light is faith in survival.

So basically I want to tell stories which resonate hope and give me hope and help me to make the light inside me stronger. To make something. It makes me happy to think that the collaborative project gives me something to work towards, and therefore a sense of meaning and hope. It makes realise that this is here to give energy to and to nurture and protect and that this will make light.