August 2007 Archives
it is fascinating how one gets sucked up into things so quickly. before you realise it you have been swept up and carried away. taken with the flow. but what if that flow is not the one you should be taking. how once you are in it do you get out. should you. could you. why? but what if you decide to take control. of the flow. own it. step out of the one you were in. review. reflect. then allow yourself to get swept up in a new direction. but what then? consciously choosing to break the mould, free yourself. be yourself. by projecting what you want to be, then going with the flow. you need to have reached rock bottom to the end of you. to become you. the real you. but sometimes it is thrust upon us. and when you get your head above water (again) you discover that the journey to your destiny continues regardless. sometimes we just need a breather. to live. now
as much as i think i have finished with the thread that runs through my performances i don't think it has quite finished with me yet.
pondering trans_end with eugenie (stellenbosh, july 07) and the elements of tan_cesters - envisioning future selves informing how to act today; co-creating paradox; armageddon; polarizing...
this lingers: once a person has lived through, survived an 'armageddon' in their lives, are they not living the trans_end existence of here and now. being truly in the moment. that middle point between the two polarities. orphaned. immediately images of orphans spring to mind. made so not by their own choosing. but they find themselves there, now. and they cope.
since: recent conversations with various people in various contexts (not catastrophes i went out of my way to look for...mind) have offered signs - as when asking a rape councillor what you say to them (victims); 'get over it. cope' is the message. talking with victims of violent crime (mugged at gunpoint/ shot for their worldly possessions) - 'need to move on. cope.' ..........
no answers provided.
in our country none of us can say we have never experienced violence first hand. or been directly affected by it through crime. for some this has been an armagedon moment, leaving them stranded, orphaned amongst so many. but we cope... there is a very dark place that is visited. where we find ourselves. but some look to the light. get up and carry on. live now. for every moment. or in fear? per route?
it is the 'being thrust' into something or the place we find ourselves in that has made all the difference. this is what underlies my trans_end exploration. to (trans)form (albeit involuntarily) and move on. cope.
the novel by alessandro baricco 'without blood' also haunts me. although having read this for the first time over 18 months ago - some things still niggled at my brain. i was never quite sure why the story resonated. never could put my finger on it. and then after the trans_end ponderings i read the book again. and finally understood what it was trying to say to me. this is the new story. the next part in the performances i need to do.presently i am also swept up by political issues: righting the wrong, saying your say; saying it as it is! and by space: all space, performance, personal, topographical... and these will also aid me in telling the next episode in the thread that compels me to perform: (dis)possessed.